So I Just Watched The Fault in Our Stars (Or, The Things About Reading)

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I could talk about how I was moved and touched by Hazel and Gus’ epic love story. I could talk about how so unprecedented Hazel is and how that oddly makes her so relatable as a teenage girl character. I could talk about how charming Gus is and how much I swoon when I imagine him calling Hazel beautiful. Or I could talk about how great the movie adaptation was, but how I feel like it left out crucial points. I could talk about the book and movie and everything I liked and didn’t like. But instead, I want to talk about some of the things that make reading important.

(The First Thing)

The first time I picked up The Fault in Our Stars by John Green was at one of those mini bookstores that grocery stores sometimes have. I remember reading the first few pages, wishing I could finish the entire book then and there, but not having the money to purchase it (this is actually always the case when it comes to me and bookstores…). My mom surprised me with the book a day later; needless to say, I was holed up in my room for two days straight reading.

TFIOS is about two teens who fall in love. If that’s not one of the most relatable stories in the history of ever, I don’t know what is. I don’t care if you’re a self-deprecating cynic who claims they’ll marry their bed and pizza, I know you want someone to hold you close. Everyone wants to find someone who will love them, someone to love. It’s an experience people around the world can connect with. When we read this story, we gain a new perspective on love, a new opportunity for love, and a new appreciation for love. TFIOS and all books give us this connection and so many others and thus we connect not only about the characters but with each other, too.

Books have a way of bringing people together that nothing else can match. Look at the Harry Potter series, Twilight, The Lord of the Rings, The Hunger Games, John Green’s other novels, etc. Each has a fanbase. These readers talk to each other about their books and they never get tired of it. There’s a huge pride in being fans of these books, to be part of a community that loves these books. (Sometimes, meeting someone for the first time and finding out they like Harry Potter is the only thing you need to be friends with them.)

And maybe a book doesn’t have a huge fanbase, but maybe you read a book on a friend’s recommendation. You read it because you respect your friend, maybe to get the inside scoop on the book they can’t seem to stop talking about. You read it so you can talk to them about the book. And after you read it, you do talk about it with them–and that’s exactly the core of what I’m talking about: reading brings people together.

(The Second Thing)

I love when friends recommend books to me! I feel like they’ve given me a small entrance to part of their being. That sounds crazy, but that’s what books are to me: insight to humans. So when I give someone a recommendation, I don’t give it lightly. Essentially, recommending books is me giving part of my being. That doesn’t mean I expect them to be in love with the book like I am, but it does mean that I expect them to actually read it. I respect people if they read and I respect them even more when they can form opinions on their reading and are able to hold an actual, substantial conversation about it. (SIDE NOTE: I’m not saying that I don’t respect people who don’t read (because I have plenty of friends who don’t read -__-).) Reading is a way to stay connected with people.

(The Third Thing)

When someone gives me the gift of a story, they are giving me inspiration, dreams, and wonder. Oftentimes, books are an escape from the world we live in, too. People say that all the time and maybe it’s overused–but it’s true! I can’t remember how many times I would turn to a book instead of dealing with the unfair and cruel world.

Perhaps I hole myself in my room for hours and days reading and perhaps I’d rather be friends with unprecedented Hazel and charming Gus than anybody else in real life. But after a good read, I typically feel better and ready to approach the world and my problems. I’m not saying that this is true 100% of the time, but books sometimes make it easier to deal with life. Think back to reading those classics in middle and high school and tell me you didn’t learn about life in one way or another (see: Catcher in the Rye, 1984, To Kill a Mockingbird). Their metaphors were messages of truth about life, humans, and the world we live in. Books are written to illustrate a story and typically those stories are inspired by real life. So when we read those stories, we take experiences and consciously or not, they influence the way you think after reading them. You might not feel so alone after reading these books just because you know someone (even if it’s just an author you will never meet) feels similar to you. You might understand a situation differently and be open to compromise. You might feel empowered to do something to change the world (or, at least, your world). You might feel a hundred different things, but you feel and that’s another one of the most important things about reading.

~ – ~

I barely scratched the surface with this topic. Merp. I could talk on and on and on about how wonderful books are and how important it is to read, but as I write this, it’s almost 2 o’clock in the morning and I’m tired and I don’t feel like standing on a soapbox all night. I’ll probably revisit the Third Thing sometime later, but I hope you get the gist of it. Originally, I meant to actually talk all about TFIOS, really I did! But then I started thinking about how some people don’t appreciate or approach books the same way I do and I kind of just had to write it out…. BUT, I do have many feelings about TFIOS and if you would like to talk about it, please let me know because I would love to discuss it with you (she types as if many people actually read her blog…)! Thanks for reading (ha ha ha)! 🙂

Three Things Sophomore Year Taught Me

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When I started this blog back in March, I intended to update it at least every week. I forgot that Spring Quarter is the busiest, most hectic quarter of the year so that goal was clearly not met. Whomp. After 11 weeks of applications, interviews, papers, exams, the last math class I will ever have to take (woo hoo!), culture shows, event-planning, and overall college, I am again recapping my quarter (and my sophomore year as a whole).

This year was definitely a challenge to say the least. Now, I understand what people meant when they said to freshman-me that they missed freshman year: The further you get into college (and life, I suppose!), the more you begin to understand what you want to spend your time doing and you actually do that thing(s) and you get busier and the classes become more specialized and harder. For me, sophomore year was a real learning experience because I realized a lot of things about myself, people, and life. I learned a lot of things in the past 33 weeks, but here are three of the most important:

  1.  Step Up – I started the year applying for a job I really really really wanted even though it felt kind of like why would they hire me, I’m just a lowly sophomore. I was nervous, of course, but I got the job and it is the very reason why my year was so much fun, busy, and stressful. Throughout the year, I faced all kinds of projects that called for me to not only put my best foot forward but to also step up and embrace the fact that I was scared of what came next. Sure stepping up as a leader means more responsibility and more stress, but it also means the pay-off is that much greater. At the end of the day, I can’t say that I regret any of my all-nighters or hard conversations that had to happen because I decided I didn’t just want to sit and watch things happen. I wanted to make things happen.
  2. Patience – Patience truly is a virtue. And it’s hard sometimes. Stepping up a lot of the times also meant delegating tasks to people or working with people and sometimes people don’t exactly know what you mean or they don’t do the job how you would like it done or any number of things! It’s frustrating and time-consuming to collaborate, but I learned to just take a deep breath and be patient. No matter how many times I would go back to my dorm room and rant to my roommate about how annoying people could be, I know that people do the best that they can do. You can’t control people. You have to trust them.
  3. You Never Know What You’re Going to Get – Seriously, this year was full of so many surprises and 180s, I could barely keep my thoughts together some days. One day in March, I got onto a conference call with a co-worker and a boss knowing exactly what I was doing for a job this summer. After the conference call, it was like those summer plans went through a paper-shredder. I had no idea that with just one phone call my job could become jeopardized. I was lost for about a week then I figured it out—and as it turns out, that call led me to apply for and get a great internship for the summer! As my dad would say, you just have to be like water (Bruce Lee) and be flexible. ADDITIONALLY, people can and will surprise you, too. You never know who’s going to step up into your life, but when they do, you better hold onto them! 🙂

I was talking to a friend one night (as we scrambled to put together an end-of-the-year slideshow and movie) reminiscing on the year when I thought back to my freshman year. I thought about how I was a major dork without a clue, just finding my niche at SCU. Then I thought about this year and how much I’ve grown as a student, as a leader, and as a person. It kind of blew my mind how just one year could give me so much. Those three lessons I listed above really impacted me and I hope that I never forget their value. (Though, I am still a major dork hahah.)

I could go on and on and on about all my experiences this year as a student, MCC PR, ASM, and nineteen-year-old, but that would take too long. Not many people read this, but thank you to everyone who helped me along the way this year. I really appreciate the time my friends and classmates put into their work and their relationships! It takes a lot to be a student (not to mention when you go to SCU and everyone is involved in about 246 extracurriculars). Sophomore year will be missed, but things will only get better!  Here’s to a summer full of opportunity (and blogs!) 🙂

Winter Quarter Recap

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Every quarter, without fail, there is a sense of “that went by so fast!” Syllabus week turns into midterm season which in turn becomes finals week and everything in between blurs together to form the quarter. I don’t know how many times I had a conversation with a friend that started like “I can’t believe it’s already Week Four/Five/Etc!!” It seems like all of us loose track of time (or even the days of the week, in my case). It also seems like this quarter was all of our busiest, toughest, most stressful quarter–but what quarter isn’t? Just like how every quarter goes by in a snap, every quarter will bring us stress. We all look forward to a fresh start, by Monday of Week One. Yet, priorities and commitments will pile up by the end of the week. It’s something that I’m growing accustomed to.

That being said, Winter Quarter 2014 was a real learning experience for me.

  • Assistant stage managing the winter production of First Person Shooter was such a blast. Learning about the rehearsal process and getting to know everyone involved was awesome. The show itself was great! I’m so happy I was able to be part of it. 🙂
  • Collaboration is hard. It frustrates me to no end how collaboration is even an issue. I could (and probably will) write an entirely separate post about this. It’s hard, yes, but I’ve learned how to deal with it.
  • My classes ruled. I truly enjoyed all my classes this quarter even if they were challenging. I was able to read great books that sparked discussion of humanity, explore my opportunities as a performing artist, and analyze the meaning of laughter.
  • Having grown-up guts takes guts. This quarter, I faced (dramatic music) Adult Problems. Being only 19, I barely feel like an “adult” becuz wut r taxes nd rent nd other adultz?!1 (Cough.) Someone recalled to me that the difference between being a kid and being an adult was the decisions you made. (I could probably write a separate post about this topic as well.) Anyway, I had to make a big decision regarding my plans this summer. It was actually a really tough decision to make, but in the end, I took a risk. For the first time in three years, I do not know what I’m doing this summer. I have an idea of what I want to do and I’ve applied for some internships, but nothing is set in stone. It’s actually pretty scary… But also exciting. Crossing my fingers for the best!
  • Balance. What with ASMing and working in the MCC, I had a pretty booked schedule week to week. I learned more about time management (I really don’t think I’ll ever truly master this), but I also learned to take breathers. Sometimes, it’s okay to skip out on a (optional) meeting or two. Or to have a quiet meal in my room. Really, being alone from time to time is probably in our best interests. When quarters go by as quickly as they do, it’s important to remember to take some time for yourself! Balance work, play, and rest!
  • Do what you want now. Several guest-speakers came into one of my classes this quarter and talked about being in the theatre business. I was in awe almost every class period by what they had to say. They shared their experiences and advice and it all just reaffirmed my path to go into this business. Kit Wilder, Artistic Director at City Lights Theater Company, probably summed it all up in the words Do what you want now. Don’t wait for someone to tell you yes and don’t mind the people who tell you no.
  • Friends are wonderful. In the midst of homework, rehearsals, and meetings, I leaned on several close friends this quarter; from lengthy text message conversations to long talks in the middle of the night. If I didn’t have these friends, I probably would have drowned my hall in stressed-out tears. Thank you to these friends (they know who they are :)).
  • Hard work pays off. Despite all the stress and “adult problems,” my work resulted in success (or is on the way there!).

My dad asked me about a month ago what my favorite part about college was. I could have said a number of things (friends, theatre, MCC), but I took a minute to think about it. I told him my favorite part was learning. Because college is supposed to be a place for new things and I know every day I learn something new. Over the past year and a half (woah, has it been that long already?!), I’ve learned about (among so many other things) literary history, ensembles, leadership, people, writing, and (probably most importantly) myself. So, goodbye Winter Quarter 2014! Thanks for the lessons.

Happy Spring Break, friends. 🙂

Redefining Privilege

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On Saturday, I attended the 29th Annual Empowering Women of Color Conference (EWOCC). EWOCC is the ” longest running women of color conference in the country… presenting women of color with an opportunity to address the racial, class, and gender issues facing American Indian, African American, Asian American, and Chicana/Latina women.” I had heard about it from my friend Mele a few weeks ago and was immediately interested because I am woman of color. Recently, I’ve been keener to issues of race and diversity. Working on staff at the Multicultural Center of my school can do that to you, I guess. Anyway, the conference piqued my interest; I shared it with the rest of the staff and two other women decided to join me, Janice and Shaanika.

To be completely honest, none of us knew what to expect. I had never been to a conference of this nature before (I’ve only been to WonderCon and ComicCon—both totally different atmospheres). We arrived at the hall a little winded (the UC Berkeley hills a very different trek than our usual flat ground at SCU) and the keynote speaker was just beginning her speech.

Loretta Ross, the keynote speaker, shared some great words, a lifetime of wisdom really, but the main thing I took away from her talk was this: in our society, “we all have equal access to be miserable.” We all live in America where all the same laws apply to everyone (or, rather, where are the laws should apply to everyone), but what sets individuals apart is our privilege.

Ross redefined privilege. Privilege is not wealth or status. It isn’t the fact that some parents enroll their children into private schools while others can’t afford to send their children to school at all. It isn’t the fact that some employees are more likely to get a promotion while others remain in the same position for years despite their proficiency because of their gender. It isn’t the fact that some couples are allowed to get married in certain states while others’ love is “illegal.”

Privilege is being aware of these facts. Privilege is knowing that there is something wrong.

The next step is acting upon that privilege. It’s doing something about the misery. It’s finding a way to educate children whose households can’t afford to send them to school, to promote the employees who truly deserve it, to support love of all kinds. It’s making the conscious decision to change.

Not only did this speech and this conference present to me an opportunity to think about my privilege, but it also inspired me to look around. Let me explain: I go to Santa Clara University, a predominantly Caucasian university. When I walk into a classroom, I am one of maybe five other students of color in a class of 25. It’s startling to realize this fact in the middle of every single quarter.

What’s even more startling, perhaps, is how startled I was to see an auditorium filled with women of color on Saturday. I don’t think I had been surrounded by so many diverse people in my entire life. I could be over-exaggerating, but that’s certainly how it felt.  Looking around the room and seeing broken pasts and hopeful futures in the faces of these women empowered me. Hearing them speak about their privilege, their stories, their dreams is empowerment. I realized that struggle is constant in their lives, the kind of struggle that keeps mothers awake at night wondering how they will feed their children the next day. The kind of struggle that strains relationships between daughters and fathers and mothers. The kind of struggle that pushes people to violent aggression.  I don’t know this kind of struggle. And that’s what startling.

I want to use my privilege to learn about the struggle and the misery of others and share it with the world. Because we all live in this miserable society and some of us contribute to the misery, but some of us try to find a way out of it.