Some Things I Am Thankful For This Thanksgiving

November 23, 2016November 23, 2016Leave a comment

Cookies and other baked goods
Hugs
Water. Clean water.
My dogs
My voice
Everyone who stops to listen
A warm home to protect me from the cold
A job I really enjoy, working with cool co-workers
Lotion and soap and make-up that help me feel good about myself
Green tea

Even though Thanksgiving is this week and December soon follows, I still can’t seem to shake the feeling that summer was just last week. I still think about summer like it just happened, but in reality, it was three months ago. Three months have gone by, Fall is passing by, and yet I still hold on to Summer.

It’s kind of wistful. Or wishful. Or foolish. Or perhaps merely symbolic of my life as a fictional victorian novel. Whatever way you look at it… I’m still floating around in that Summer place. I think it’s probably denial; me denying myself that my life is actually moving forward after five months of sulking.

I’m not actually sulking, but it’s a kind of strange feeling. Transition. (Humans hate change and they love control. But they love the change that they can control. Sometimes you have that power and sometimes you don’t.)

In this time of transition for adults in their early-twenties and transition for our country, be thankful for what you do have! Think about what you do best (walking your dog, making rice, splurging on yourself) and try to apply that to those who don’t have half as much. Just think about it.

No one really prepares you for life after college

October 25, 2016Leave a comment

There’s some philosophy that says that you must first attain your basic needs before going after other, higher needs. You need those basic needs to have, like, a basic level of happiness. Once you attain those needs and that happiness, then you can move on to bigger things and making others happy. But it’s imperative to focus on yourself and your happiness. This is important in middle school, high school, and college, but I think it’s a little easier if you’re still in school. Because when you’re in school, your primary goal is to graduate. After you graduate… there is no “primary” goal. That’s where it gets tricky when you try to start planning your happiness.

I learned this over the last couple of months (as you can probably deduce from my blog posts this summer). But I want to write about how cool it is once you do attain those basic needs and you can create steps to move forward in your life/career/dreams. Plus, making time and energy to make others happy is great too.

I’m excited to grocery shop for myself, specifically purchasing foods for breakfast and snacks. I’m excited to pack my lunch (note: I’m not excited to cook it). I’m excited to write more, as a mode of expression. I’m excited to grow professionally, creating my own organization system and trying new things. I’m excited to grow my work. I’m looking forward to being happy…

The immediate months and the year after you graduate are going to be really really weird. My professor told me that during my senior year so I knew this was coming, but I didn’t know exactly WHAT I was in for. Heads up, peeps—TRANSITIONING into adulthood is CHALLENGING. I’m waiting for the truly happy part. It’s like starting over. For 18 years, your primary goal is to graduate and now you have to start from the ground up. At least you’re not starting from absolute scratch ‘cause now you got an important piece of paper that tells you you’ve achieved and that you’re capable. But here you are… wondering what’s going to happen in three months, let alone in five years.

This is a little all over the place, I know. But that reflects me, right now. A little all over the place. A little happy, a little tired, a little frustrated, a little excited, a little confused.

But I’m looking forward to growing. That’s the final take away. Growing.

Note to Self: Listen to Avenue Q

When You’re Feeling Less Than

September 6, 2016Leave a comment

You could take hundreds of classes on hundreds of subjects and have so many degrees or certificates and all those pieces of academic recognition…. but you may never learn about yourself.

Over the years, I think I’ve learned a great deal about myself. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting and processing on my experiences, on the issues I dealt with as a student and student-leader, and on my personal relationships. You know? But reflecting… and processing… doesn’t necessarily mean figuring myself out. All that thinking about my actions… most of the time it led to overthinking and maybe even overreacting. I don’t know. But even as a college graduate and after 17 years of schooling, maybe we all don’t know that much about ourselves.

Over the past few months… I’ve learned so much more. About myself. I’ve learned and relearned my emotional capacities… I’ve learned and relearned my social capacities. I’ve had to tell myself it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You are okay. And still, time and time again, I seem to take a little hit to my ego, pride, confidence, mostly because I’m stubborn and needy. And I have to tell myself it’s okay to be like that. It’s okay. And I know it’s up to me and my attitude to find the bright side in situations or push me through the day, week, month. But I’ve also come to learn that my closeness with others seriously conflicts and hinders my attitude. Sometimes I wish others would make things better for me. And other times, I know that I have to make things better for myself.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve learned that it all takes time. Art, friendship, work. Life. And I’ve learned to come to terms with that. Greatness doesn’t happen over night. The years, months, and weeks that it takes to an achievement can be extremely transformable. Even though that time makes your restless and insecure, it also makes you stronger and better for what comes next. You know you’re better… but you still have room for improvement. You know you have more to learn.

Post-script to Self and Readers: Yet another reflective piece (and there’s nothing wrong with that). I know that my way of coping and processing is different than others’, but I hope… maybe my writing can help you empathize with yourself (and others).

Turning 22

August 22, 2016August 22, 2016Leave a comment

21 was an amazing year. This was the year I would reach a handful of feats; including staging my original play, stage managing for the first time, going on an international service trip for the first time, and graduating from college. There were many lessons in personal tribulations, academic foes, and social happenings. I faced a lot of adversity this year in the form of micro aggressions, self-confidence, and emotional turmoil. In the last 12 months, I think I have learned so much about myself and my capacities. I always have to remind myself that I don’t have to be as social or as successful as others (similarly, everyone else doesn’t have to be my kind of social and successful). I’m the kind of person that needs to stop and breathe when there’s too much happening at one time. Once I take that breathe, I find the strength to move forward.

22 is the year I move forward. 🙂 This is the year I will reach a few more feats, learn a few more lessons, and face a little more adversity. 🙂 This is the year I become a little more of who I’m meant to be. I can’t wait. 🙂

Here are some things I’d like to do before I turn 23:

Plan an international trip
Visit a new city
Bake more cookies
Read more!
Take better conscious care of my body
Write plays (3)

Bring It All Back

August 12, 2016Leave a comment

PART 1
Recently, I’ve been watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. I had watched the first four seasons a few years back, but I stopped watching it because I got a little bored of the outrageous character personalities. Now, I really did enjoy watching it because I liked the storyline and the storytelling is original. So I’m on season six now (no spoilers, pls).

PART 2
I just stumbled upon a cover of S Club 7’s Bring It All Back. For your memory, the chorus goes like this:

Don’t stop, never give up
Hold your head high and reach the top
Let the world see what you have got
Bring it all back to you

PART 3
In the last two months, I have graduated from college, moved out of my parents’ house, moved into my own townhouse, and submitted over 50+ job applications (not including the 50+ apps since March). I’ve been to five interviews and for four out of five, did not move forward in the process. Now, I’m crossing my finger for the fifth one, but…

In HIMYM, the whole storyline is about how these adults figure out their lives. There’s a few episodes/seasons where things kinda suck for them. Older Ted seems to always be narrating “It wasn’t a good year for me” or “Robin just got out of a serious relationship” or something else to that effect.

Combine bad years and relationship problems with Bring It All Back’s catchy and upbeat message… you get a thoughtful reflection on a few things:

Admitting that things are rough right now
Being okay with it
Keeping your chin up
Never giving up
Finding new opportunities to grow

I guess that’s post-grad life for me so far. It’s a weird, transition-y time right now.

P.S. I wrote this blog post kind of like a HIMYM episode. Just imagine the camera swishing back and forth between clips of me watching Netflix and YouTube and going from one job interview to the next.