Tag: 22

On Fresh Starts

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It’s the end of January and I’m realizing that fresh starts can happen whenever you goddamn please. Back in December, I spent a lot of time just waiting for January 1st to roll around so I could get started on my resolutions. Once it did… I felt like January 1st showed up on my doorstep and I started a pleasant conversation with it, but then soon, January 1st just shoved itself into my life and into my home without letting me know what it was doing. January 1st—and the rest of the month—had a mind of its own.

No matter how much time and energy I put into the last weeks of 2016 to make sure my 2017 would go “according to plan,” 2017 decided it was gonna throw all that to the wind. I guess I should have known, predicted the unpredictability of life. It’s kinda funny—I feel like we all kinda know that life is unexpected and you can’t plan everything to the minute. And yet, we still try anyways.

We want to control the things we can’t control. We plan out our resolutions in hopes that in 365 days, we’ll be a better person. A more put-together person.

In the first weeks of 2017, I realized that that is one source of stress and insecurity for me. I’m just trying to keep it together but the more I try to do that, the more I realize that I’m just pretending. Sometimes, you just need to face the fact that you can’t control everything and you are not the most put-together person on the planet. And maybe, you’ll realize you’re a better person just for just facing that fact. I know I am. I feel relieved.

I also think we all know that resolutions are only as meaningful as you make them. They’ll only make you a better person if you actually stick to them. We all know this. But we rarely ever change, thinking the resolution will just happen—or be forgotten.

I wanted to write more this year (among other things). I found that I couldn’t bring myself to write even briefly… It was a little heartbreaking to even think that I couldn’t do this thing that I love, and the only thing holding me back was myself. It wasn’t a big deal at first, but I soon found myself really unhappy and I think it was because I wasn’t pushing myself to write.

Like the saying goes, “it has to get worse before it gets better.” So, things have gotten worse in a lot of different ways: politically, nationally, personally, emotionally. But sometimes that’s just the wake-up call we need. Whatever “fresh start” you want, go get it. Do what you have to do.

As for me, I’m writing and I’m reading. And I hope I continue to do so for the next 11 months.

14 days into 2017…

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As I write this, it is midway through January. I, like many others, have been back to work for two weeks after the holidays concluded. It’s been two weekends and 14 days into 2017. I have already felt a range of emotions, been bombarded with a few unexpected incidents… and recovered (or, in the process of recovering). I have seen a few friends, texted a few others, and hung out with my parents. In a nutshell, that’s how 2017 is going so far. Normal, I suppose.

I’m not sure I’m doing a ~fantastic~ job on my resolutions, but I am more than halfway through a book (!), well on my way to contributing to a theatre production (!), and attending TWO art-type events this weekend (!).

I did something a little different this year: I tried to “map” my year through a future log (i.e. bullet journal). I thought about all the goals and tasks I wanted to do every month and I wrote it down. I want to be on some-type-of track this year. I don’t want to be bogged down, however. I just want a little direction.

Think about it: How is your 2017 going? Is it going the way you thought it would, two weeks ago? What do you hope to accomplish by the end of these 365 days?

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2016 Reflection

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Everybody lived their year this year and as always I have reflected a lot on the past 12 months. In fact, I’ve been reflecting since Thanksgiving. I’ve spent the last six weeks thinking about 2016 and gearing up for 2017. Pondering the lessons I’ve had this year and wondering what lessons the new year will bring. I think I am setting high expectations for myself to be organized and successful next year.. but when you really think about it, it’s just another loop around the sun like any other loop.

Anyway, 2016 was a year of endings (college, childhood, living at home) and beginnings (adulting, moving into my own place, first job outta school). It was a year of lessons. Learning about how to adult, learning about myself… I hope that I can take what I’ve learned so far and apply it to the next chapter.

I don’t want to dwell too much on 2016, mostly because I feel like I summed it up in the previous paragraph. I really feel like maybe this year wasn’t that spectacular aside from graduating. Graduating opened up the floodgates to so many new opportunities and they are gradually flowing into my life now. So I’ll focus on 2017 now and how to make it one of my best years yet.

For more life tidbits, please follow me on Twitter @marissamaym or check out one of my Instagrams @marmaym (personal), @sadwalletshappytummies (food), and @paperstonehearts (writing, journaling).

Some Things I Am Thankful For This Thanksgiving

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  1. Cookies and other baked goods
  2. Hugs
  3. Water. Clean water.
  4. My dogs
  5. My voice
  6. Everyone who stops to listen
  7. A warm home to protect me from the cold
  8. A job I really enjoy, working with cool co-workers
  9. Lotion and soap and make-up that help me feel good about myself
  10. Green tea

Even though Thanksgiving is this week and December soon follows, I still can’t seem to shake the feeling that summer was just last week. I still think about summer like it just happened, but in reality, it was three months ago. Three months have gone by, Fall is passing by, and yet I still hold on to Summer.

It’s kind of wistful. Or wishful. Or foolish. Or perhaps merely symbolic of my life as a fictional victorian novel. Whatever way you look at it… I’m still floating around in that Summer place. I think it’s probably denial; me denying myself that my life is actually moving forward after five months of sulking.

I’m not actually sulking, but it’s a kind of strange feeling. Transition. (Humans hate change and they love control. But they love the change that they can control. Sometimes you have that power and sometimes you don’t.)

In this time of transition for adults in their early-twenties and transition for our country, be thankful for what you do have! Think about what you do best (walking your dog, making rice, splurging on yourself) and try to apply that to those who don’t have half as much. Just think about it.